Ravenwolf says:
Though I've been thinking a little about where things could go between us.
Melissa says:
Is this a good or bad thing?
Ravenwolf says:
Hmmm...depends on how you look at it. I mentioned to you before (a couple of months ago I believe) about my experiences with a long-distance relationship and how it turned out and what went on in between. I'm torn as to whether I want to pursue another one as it is very very very difficult on both you and me, or whether to keep things at less of a relationshippy level (if that makes any sense)
Melissa says:
Now you're making me nervous...
Ravenwolf says:
Don't be nervous, it's nothing bad or anything. I'm just letting you know how I feel about that and whether I will be able to do a long-distance relationship on a long-term basis.
Melissa says:
Okay, I just don't want you to be unhappy.
Ravenwolf says:
It's not that I'm unhappy or anything. It's nothing that you've done or haven't done. You've been great and wonderful and I know that will continue. It's more about whether I can do a long-distance relationship and whether it can be sustained.
Ravenwolf says:
I know that you don't want to hear this. It's a very very very difficult thing that I've been grappling with in my head, but I don't want things to go badly if we take things further. I don't want to lose you as someone I care about a lot. I would rather have you as a really good friend than lose you completely if things go badly (not saying they will, but it can happen)
Melissa says:
*sigh*
Melissa says:
So basically what you're telling me is, it's pretty much over.
Ravenwolf says:
I would say that if you're talking about a relationship in a more than friend way, then yes I suppose you can say that. I would like to think that it may lead to a very strong friendship in the end, but that's something we don't know yet. I would still like to be able to do things with you and enjoy time spent together.
Melissa says:
You have no idea how much this hurts!
Ravenwolf says:
I think I do Melissa, it has happened to me too many times to count. I was trying to convince myself over and over that I shouldn't do this. It's why I've been debating this for such a long while. I knew that it hurt too much and that it would be a huge shock.
Ravenwolf says:
I'm sorry that I'm doing this. It was very hard on me to have to do this and I hope that after a while, we can be friends. But I believe that in the long run, it'll be good for both of us. It may be hard to see that right now.
Melissa says:
When did you decide this?
Ravenwolf says:
Hmmm...about a few days ago, after debating it for about a month or so.
Melissa says:
Shit...
Ravenwolf says:
What? What do you mean by that?
Melissa says:
Nothing I'm just really really upset and confused and hurt. I thought things were good.
Ravenwolf says:
They were good, and I hope they still wll be. I do
like spending time with you. I just was thinking far down the line and see what kind of future we could have together. I just don't know what kind of future we can have, in a long term frame of mind.
Ravenwolf says:
As I said Melissa, it's nothing you've done or anything you've said or anything. I just think that
if we had met a few years later when we're both more established, then maybe it would work a lot better and
it could become a long-term thing.
Melissa says:
I honestly don't know what to say. I have to go.
*SIGH* Yeah...I'm confused too. When he gets here we need to have a serious talk. I have so many questions I need to ask him.
First of all, if he's been in a long distance relationships before, and they didn't work out, then WHY would he even agree to be in one with me.
AND if he's been thinking about this for awhile, why didn't he say something, and WHY did he even bother buying a bus ticket?
AND he says that he still wants to be friends, and he'll still call and visit. What the hell is the difference?? He's STILL travelling long distance to see me.
I started feeling okay, then got depressed again and it's all because of what happened on the weekend. On Saturday I went with my dad and brother to Milton to visit my grandma in the hospital. When we got to their house, I said hello to my mom and she asked if I had talked to him. So I explained to her what happened. THEN my aunt came downstairs, said hello and asked how he was. So I had to tell HER. Then I went outside to say hello to my grandpa who was having a smoke and he asked how my love life was going, so I had to explain to him AND my uncle.
It's going to be so tough to see him on Saturday and pretend that things are okay when they aren't. I'm afraid that if I even look at him I will break down and cry. I'll try not to, I'll put on a fake smile and pretend that I am actually happy to see him. I just hope that we can talk things over and are able to straighten things out.
So yeah, I saw my grandma on Saturday after debating whether I should or not. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, and I am very glad I did it. They gave her medication so she isn't yellow anymore. But she has lost alot of weight. I lost it when I stepped into the room and saw her. She was sleeping with her mouth open and it kinda scared me, so I had to leave and calm down. My dad came out to me 10 minutes later and said she was asking for me, so I went in to talk to her.
Saturday night I got together with my friend Krystal, who I'd been chatting with for awhile now but had never actually met. It was so awesome and she's actually really nice in person. I told her about the whole Anthony thing so she suggested getting together for a drink to help keep my mind off of things. She brought along her friend Will who she's kinda living with right now (long story) We met up at a restaurant called Roosters near my house, where we all had a bite to eat. After that we decided to go to 55, which is a bar across town. She had the idea that we could scope out cute guys for me, but when we got there the place was filled with men in their 30's and 40's! Uh..no! I didn't really have anything to drink last night. Will bought me a shooter type thing called a tequilla rose. It was good. Got home at about 12:30 and went straight to bed.