Dear Thimble Dick,
By the time you read this, I'll be maxing out your Visa. I'm sorry for doing this but, you left me no other choice. I know this might comes as a bit of a brain aneurysm to you - especially because you're an emotional cripple. But I'm sorry – I just need hot sex with someone who isn't a human potato sack. I think you're a psychopath, but I don't think we're right for each other. First of all, we're not compatible. You're a Leo, and I'm vastly superior to you. You like declawed rodentia colonics, you eat with your feet, and enjoy defrauding the elderly, and I don't like any of these things. Your favorite movie is Glitter, and your favorite band is The Partridge Family. Do you even know what my favorite movie or band is? I once asked you what color my eyes are and you said "Nuke me some fucking hash browns!". Anyway, I want to date the first drunk barfly who'll talk to me. But you know what? I still want to be dead to you. We can totally forget the other is alive . We had some good times, or so you told me . But please, don't get all John Wayne Gacy like last time. That means no botched suicide attempts. And look - I won't even make an issue out of the $100 you owe me, or the fact that you cheated on me. So take care of yourself - and choke on your own vomit.
P.S. It’s barely 4 inches - much less six.
HAHA!! I saw How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. It was really funny. There was a preview for this new Jim Carrey movie called Bruce Almighty which looked HILARIOUS!!! I bought My Big Fat Greek Wedding today too!