Ok. I'm a bit late. So sue me. New Years Eve was pretty quiet here. Just the usual fondue and watching random shit on youtube with Aaron.

I'm still talking to Peter. It's been really fun reconnecting with him again. Though things are never going to be like they were when we first started talking, my feelings for him are never going to change. I'm just super fucking grateful to have him back in my life again.

I'm still watching him on his cam. He likes to listen to a lot of classical music. Sometimes he sings along, at the top of his lungs. It's funny. I emailed him and told him if he wanted to listen to some of the stuff we listen to here in Canada, then he should listen to Rush. He emailed me back and told me he's heard Rush before, but it's not really his thing, but that one of their songs The Spirit of Radio is one of his favorite songs! Which is crazy because that's my favorite Rush song!

He watches a lot of movies too. Usually some artsy weird stuff. HIs taste is pretty out there. I told him to watch the movie Whiplash, so he downloaded it and watched it. And he said he loved it!

Also, he just bought a massive new TV. He told me to tune into the cam on Friday because his brother was coming over to help him set it up. So I did. There was a moment where Peter waved to the camera and smiled, because he knew I was watching. His brother caught him and asked what he was waving at. So he told his brother "Canada is watching!" HIs brother then asked who in Canada was watching him and he responded "My friend Mel!" Eeeee!

So I guess I should explain this camera thing that he has set up since someone left me a note asking about it. He has a camera set up in the TV room. He told me to download an app called CamHi, and from there you can view the camera. But not just anyone can view it. So far I think he's only given access to a few people. Aside from me, I've only ever heard him talk briefly to his son and brother. It's only centered in that one room. Nowhere else in the house. He spends most of his time in that room either watching TV, listening to music, or doing programming stuff on his computer. There's a mic button so I can pretty much say hello whenever I want. Though a lot of the time he doesn't hear me because his music is so loud. lol.

I didn't do a very good job at explaining it.

Ehhh. Oh well.

I've been super fucking sad lately. Just thinking about a lot of stuff. Mainly what's happening with Peter and his cancer. I'm scared about what lies ahead this year. How much time does he have left? How much has his cancer progressed? I fucking hope to god he makes it through this year. I honestly can't wrap my head around it. That one day he'll just be...gone. I'll never be able to speak to him again.

Ugh. I don't want to think about that right now.

12:26 p.m. - Sunday, Jan. 08, 2023